Megan Wants A Murderer!

Watching reality TV dating shows should be a punishment in hell. The 25th circle reserved for cannibals or baby-shakers. The contestants are vain, shallow, superficial, greedy and stupid. They also lie.

And that's why I love them. I enjoy watching humanity at its absolute worst. I would call it a guilty pleasure, but Chuck Klosterman convinced me there is no such thing. Klosterman claims that calling something a guilty pleasure implies you would be engaged in a more valuable activity if you weren't watching Wipeout or reading People. Like, say, reading Kant or stopping global warming. I realized he was right and decided to own my interests. Now my only guilty pleasure is listening to Chuck Klosterman.

But recently a reality show contestant committed murder! One of the tools on Megan Wants A Millionaire, Ryan Jenkins, murdered his wife, pulling off her fingers and teeth, and stuffed her in a suitcase, which he then threw in a Dumpster. The woman had to be identified by the serial numbers on her implants. That's all she had that revealed who she was.

I've seen Megan Wants a Millionaire. Megan, a blonde fond of bikinis, aspires to be a trophy wife. And tan. Megan is singularly boring; her delivery is a deadpan monotone sprinkled with Valley Girl giggles and, while she's pretty, she's not sexy. To paraphrase Barney Frank, Megan has all the brains of a table. In fact, her vapidity made the show difficult to watch, but I muddled through somehow. I considered it my duty.

Now the show is canceled. And the killer killed himself. I can't help but view the incident as a warning to all of us.

Friends, the Apocalypse is coming. Lock your doors and windows. Turn off VH1 and spend your evenings working on string theory. Or knit someone a nice sweater.

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1 Response to Megan Wants A Murderer!

September 9, 2009 at 1:30 PM

despite what mr. klosterman may believe,it is possible to appreciate kant and wipeout. i've made it a hypothetical imperative to watch -- if i want to learn more about the human condition, i will watch wipeout. there. guilty pleasure + hard core philosophy!

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