What I learned from Hell House

Last night I went to Eternity House. Here's what I learned:

1. Satan wears tennis shoes and has a lisp.
2. Chili is evil because you never know what your step-dad might put in it.
3. Doing the locomotion is evil too.
4. Faulkner County Sheriff's vehicles are available for many events.
5. Chick-Fil-A is the fast food of the faithful.
6. If a pretty young woman rolls her eyes during Bible study, she will burn in hell for ETERNITY.
7. If you drink beer, you will burn in hell for ETERNITY.
8. You can burn in hell for ETERNITY for being a snot-nosed teenager!
9. ETERNITY is a very long time.
10. In heaven, angels lip-sync while dancing with their hands.
11. Heaven also has a cheap fountain and twinkly Christmas lights.
12. Hell is a pretty cool disco with black lights and neon colors and hot guys writhing in cages.
13. The good die young.
14. God is overly judgmental.

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2 Response to What I learned from Hell House

October 29, 2009 at 5:02 PM

Satan sounds like a pretty cool guy.

October 29, 2009 at 8:55 PM

I'm not 100% sure, but I think one of my colleagues volunteers as a tour guide for this... if not this one in particular, one exactly like it that her church runs - these things might be all over the place down here!

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