Last night I was sitting on the couch eating a red velvet cupcake and sipping a delicious booze-soaked eggnog. A cologne commercial came on featuring some guy with insane abs. I mean, this dude needed a new body cuz his old one was ripped. He was so cut hugging him would result in multiple lacerations. He didn't look human.
And then I realized: That's a five-hour-a-day body. That's a body built on working out like a madman. That's a body built on denial. Like Brittany Murphy, skinny to death. Like Kate Moss, who recently said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
Forget it. I want my red velvet cupcake!