How do you say wine?

Toad Suck Buck's is on the Arkansas River--the view on the top of the hill is lovely and there are old graves with Bucks buried in them (according to the tombstones). The restaurant itself, however, is a bit of a shack with a concrete floor, pool tables, shuffleboard and delicious salty steaks.

I went there last night and had a real lesson in Southese. I'm from New Jersey, so there are quite a few things I don't understand about the local dialect, as the following conversation demonstrates.

Me: I'll have the house cabernet.

Waitress brings me a chardonnay.

Me: Oh, I'm sorry, I said cabernet.

Waitress: I know, honey. This is it. Chardonnay. It's white.

Me: !

Waitress: The red we have is the mar-lay.

My friend (a champion white wine drinker): No problem. I'll take the white.

Me: Well, if you don't have any cabernet, I guess I'll take the merlot.

Waitress, with hand on hip: We only have mar-lay. You want that?

Me: Yes, please.

After dinner we played shuffleboard and I ordered a PBR, because it's pronounced the same in any region. P-B-R!
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